Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
