My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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