i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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