I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
whose ass print is on the piano?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
