I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
