i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
