I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
