did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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