apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
