Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
