decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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