found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
