If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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