Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
