He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
