my mouth tastes like poor choices
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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