remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
