Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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