home. puking in laundry basket.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
