i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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