he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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