Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
