Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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