It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
