You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
