You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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