I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you would pick up someone in the library
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
