soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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