He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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