awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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