If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
