she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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