Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
