We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
