Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
