i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
