a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
