It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
