the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
pray to the hookup gods
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
