I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
