On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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