and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
