remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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