just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
