Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
