someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
FUCK WHALES
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
