He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She's the barista slut.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
NoShamevember. You game?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
