My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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