we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
