Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
