apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
