Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
