im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
