Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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