Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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