How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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