If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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