just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
