Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
